Maysie Grace turned 3 & a Nursing Strike

I cannot believe that it is already Monday.

This weekend went by so incredibly fast.

First of all, Maysie Grace turned 3 years old on Sunday. How did my little 5 lb 13.5 oz baby girl turn into this walking, talking, opinionated 3 year old so quickly?

She was so excited to open her presents this year and really understood what a birthday was.

She wanted Frozen Mini Mystery blind boxes and Peppa Pigs House. And she got both. It was just as fun for us to watch her open her presents as it was for her to receive them.

She had a gluten free and corn free cupcake from Whole Foods. They are the brand Swirlz and are absolutely delicious. The lemon is her favorite but this one was Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake. So yum!!

And of course the night before Maysie's birthday ... Hudson decided he was on a nursing strike. He was miserable and whiny. Totally not typical of his dreamy & wonderful behavior. After almost 18 hours of not eating I was finally able to nurse him again. It was so wonderful I almost started crying tears of joy. 

So ... Hello Monday. I have so much to be thankful for.

Sleep? What's that?

Having the 2 little ones doesn't really allow me to get the best night sleep.

They both sleep in my bed (which I am fine with) but Maysie is a horrible sleeper most of the time.

Since she was born she will wake up multiple times a night just crying.

Sometimes she cries in her sleep while other times she cries because she is thirsty or has to go potty. We have been giving her melatonin to help her calm down but that hasn't been keeping her asleep for the night. And the fact that she has some crazy allergies means that many times she has an upset stomach at night.

Hudson is an amazing sleeper. He likes to cuddle and sleep. He sleeps through Maysie's crying like a boss.

And it seems like everyday I am excited to get some sleep and go to bed at a reasonable hour ... and then I find a new camera app on my phone. And then I am checking my email.

And then I am listening to Hudson breathe.

Then I find something to watch on tv.

And then it is 1 am.

Then I play the counting game. "If I fall asleep right this second ... I will get 5 and a half hours of sleep" (Please tell me I am not the only one to play this game.)

Then I think ... ok this weekend I am going to sleep in.

Then I look at the calendar ... ha ... no sleeping in because soccer practice is bright and early.

One day I will catch up on sleep and miss these days. 

So here we are

Sometimes I wonder how we got here.

You know the place ... the one where money is so tight and you are working your butt off but it doesn't seem to be making a difference.

Yup. That is where we are.

And it sucks.

My husband is amazing. He works hard and I think he feels defeated that his paycheck barely covers the bills.

I decided that I would try to make some income from home. Let me just tell you ... the interview was a disaster. The woman interviewing me was very nice but from the get go I knew she was too intense for my liking. She wanted to know what I was going to do with my littles while I was working.

Umm ... Yeah

So I declined a work from home job and felt majorly defeated. I wanted this job to work. I wanted the extra income to pay off our debt and get us back in the positive. But my husband and I talked about it beforehand and I knew that if it didn't work for our family then it didn't work for me.

So then, I decided I would be a waitress one night a week. It would roughly bring in an extra $400 a month and we could slowly start paying things off. So far I have worked 2 shifts and both nights my baby wouldn't take a bottle and Maysie wouldn't stop crying.

My husband said that this job probably won't work either.

AAGH!

I am a do-er by nature and not really being able to "do" anything is stressing me out.

Not sure what we are going to try next but I am in this. I will do whatever it takes for my family and I know my husband will too.

What are some ways you generated extra income for your family without sacrificing time with your family?

Be Brave? Really?

Recently I have been reading the book Let's All Be Brave: Living Life With Everything You Have by Annie Downs. 

To say it opened my eyes is an understatement.

Honestly, I have always thought that I was made for so much more than being a wife and mother. I thought that I was going to change the world. I thought I was going to go to Haiti. I even read books about what life was like there. I thought I was going to go somewhere. Anywhere.

But instead I am still in the same place I grew up in. It is honestly breaking my heart to even type that. I wanted to be the Mom that took her kids on journeys and adventures.

I really really wanted to change the world.

And then ... I read Annie Downs book.

Don't get me wrong, I still want to change the world. But I am just going to have to change the world around me.

For as long as I can remember I have been holding my breath. Holding it in for anticipation of my real life to start. You know the dreamy life I had pictured in my head.

I held my breath to get married.

I held my breath to have another baby.

I held my breath to be in my own place.

The problem is ... I just keep holding my breath for something better. Something different from the life that I am living.

And here I am ... still living in this town. Jacob even has some teachers that I had when I attended his middle school.

I am struggling with that.

Life right now is a struggle.

We are struggling. We are struggling financially. We are struggling with the fact that we live in this very wealthy area and we can barely make ends meet. When money isn't there, my marriage struggles. Things become chaotic. Life turns into survival mode. Daily activities become difficult. I can honestly feel the tears at the back of my eyes all day. They threaten to fall. I will them to stay put. I struggle with my kids. I take on a part time job and I struggle leaving my babies at home while I am working.

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

I want new. I want different. I want to get lost driving to a new grocery store. I want life to be easier. I want my husband to not have to work so hard. I want to say yes to a new friend. I just want a reset button so that I could start over ... fresh.

Instead, I will have to lean on God. (Which for me isn't easy.) We may have to let go of some of the comforts we are used to in order to gain a little breathing room. (Buy buy cable.) I may have to keep going to my job. Hudson may have to cry while I am gone because he doesn't like drinking from a bottle. Maysie Grace may have to cry because she misses me. My husband might have to pick up Jacob from soccer practice and get dinner on the table.

But this is just a season.

And right now this is my brave. I have to be brave to face each day uncertain if we will have enough money. I have to be brave and know that I am doing the best thing for my family by staying home.

I am living a life I never planned. And it has required more courage

than I ever thought could fit in this five-foot-six inch frame. Hold on to hope, love.

You are going to survive this, friend.

God has not forgotten you.

Your life and your desires are important to God.  

~Annie Downs

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

~Isaiah 41:10